Thursday, 21 July 2011

I had my first 5 newzilish dollars today!

Fact of the day; newzelish currency cannot be torn. The face Mr. Howard something whom I never heard of or seen before fills the paper with a stupid British smile. As ignorant as it seemed but this distant very far country has nothing in relation to us except the only reliable source of sheep meat that my mother used to buy when we were young “ sheep in newzeland eat grass, sheep in Jordan eat plastic bags!” in a way she made sense for a 10 year old!

I never knew that such a step will come uninvited, sudden and impulsive still we are welcoming it with open arms. 
So going back to the currency at hand; holding it at such a time and being handed from this certain person at this exact moment had the effect of the wakening morning coffee once it hits the brain.

Friendship is just an unpredictable factor in people’s lives; it can be augmented, patronized or even criticized but it is never static and never reasoned. . The fact that people’s relations are over rated had always haunted me until the point where all my relations on the margin of collapsing. All the things that are still not finished, conversations that still to be continued, colors and brushes to be bought and all the canvases that still to be filled with colors will always be on hold until further notice.

This is the first goodbye and I reckon that what will come next will not be easy. I will have to be always thankful for having a partner who shared an addiction to red askimos!

I got to admit having those 5 dollars in my pocket is quite exciting. I will be missing you my friend.  

Sunday, 17 July 2011


So... it is official! the lis is online and we will start selling our furniture along with our memories. The first big step.
My eyes promised that they wont tear when they see the house empty. I hope they will keep their promise.


Deadlines of things i wanted to do and things i wanted to finish for months started piling up. Like a student who leaves his homework unresolved until the dawn of the exam to start studying. As if i was back to collage and my submission is late due to my constant elaborate procrastination.Why do i keep doing this and why do i take time for granted is a question  i need to ask myself repeatedly. Dates lined up like wild fierce numbers falling from the sky. Unfinished paintings, unedited photographs, un-photographed images in my head, unfinished books,  un-digested information and unbounded relations pile and pile and pile until they become a big mountain of screams and insecurities that i am afraid i will carry with me as a baggage of regret. Not allowing to move on or to set priorities in this very tight scheduled of numbers that were done and undone. They pile up above my knee to reach my thighs, cover my hands, reach to my neck, my mouth, my eyes, my head.. Until i suddenly breath!

Tuesday, 12 July 2011


12th of july! Approved. Our application to enter a new life was approved. For  me personally it was if a  jailer sitting on a cloud  has stamped my application with his verdict! APPROVED! still can not comprehend the idea in my head and the digestion of this sentence is quite hard  at the moment. Can not hide the sigh of relief and can not hide the fear and excitement. Too many feelings that contradicts itself and tearing me apart from inside.
This date will mark the start of a new life, in a new place with new people.