perfect!

if god was perfect and aspired for perfection
if i was god's creation
then whey
i am not perfect!

stuipd fish

سمكة غبية غرقت!
The stuipd fish is a joke that i have been saying for 5 years now and it has always made me laugh! this is what i imagine when someone tells me the joke or when i say it! it is one of those jokes that you either love or hate! and i love it:)

ps: some say that this joke was my invention :) am proud of that small stupid fish :)

Living in my own Lala Land

loss of identity is a major issue that mixed people feel. Being raised in a house with two different cultures can be extremely confusing for both children and their parents.loss of identity , mixed feelings of belonging, confusion are companions they grow up with until it becomes part of their day to day life and the book that they follow to cope in a community of their own. A community that doesn't belong neither to their mum's side or to their father's. You can say they create their own LALA world where feelings of dispare are hidden and all the crazy fights between conscious and unconscious.

Having a Christian Russian mum and a Jordanian Arab dad i believe i am one of those mixes.( i know talk about total confusion of both levels religious and cultural! what a mess)

With the hardship that i had to endure to build my Lala Land that fits with my context and my society even though i refused it at first and all the extra strength i had to put to fit in, i FAILED!

well, not a total one but it is still a failure! in Russia i am considered uncivilized and un-cultured citizen and in Jordan i am considered a foreigner .As a person who tried really hard to blend in and inhale as much culture he can to feel security and belonging again today i failed!

Today i was classified as a Russian during a conversation at work, this time this classification was not based on my physical appearance or my language it was based on me accepting gay people, accepting whatever mistakes my kids will do even if they were extreme as pregnancy and accepting to swim in public! I was excused and given a very good reason to my liberalism! as weired as it seems it did not feel good.Years and years of building the base and the structure to what i call ME, today someone reveled the secret of my personality (of course am being sarcastic).

I did not ask to be understood or even to be respected god forbid, i only asked to be treated as a unique and free citizen of Lala Land and as a free voice away from my own background i dont want to be treated as (bint alajnabieh) or the daughter of the foreign anymore. I refuse to become an outcast again.

taeb so , w ba3dain ..........i wonder what will happen next!

..............
...........................
......................................
..............................................
............
..........................
...............
.......................
..........................
...............................
.............................
.........................
..............................
..........................
..............................

haven't posted anything lately and been extremely busy so i decided posting something tat dates to 2 years ago. digitally painted