Thursday, 13 May 2010

Living in my own Lala Land

loss of identity is a major issue that mixed people feel. Being raised in a house with two different cultures can be extremely confusing for both children and their parents.loss of identity , mixed feelings of belonging, confusion are companions they grow up with until it becomes part of their day to day life and the book that they follow to cope in a community of their own. A community that doesn't belong neither to their mum's side or to their father's. You can say they create their own LALA world where feelings of dispare are hidden and all the crazy fights between conscious and unconscious.

Having a Christian Russian mum and a Jordanian Arab dad i believe i am one of those mixes.( i know talk about total confusion of both levels religious and cultural! what a mess)

With the hardship that i had to endure to build my Lala Land that fits with my context and my society even though i refused it at first and all the extra strength i had to put to fit in, i FAILED!
well, not a total one but it is still a failure! in Russia i am considered uncivilized and un-cultured citizen and in Jordan i am considered a foreigner .As a person who tried really hard to blend in and inhale as much culture he can to feel security and belonging again today i failed!

Today i was classified as a Russian during a conversation at work, this time this classification was not based on my physical appearance or my language it was based on me accepting gay people, accepting whatever mistakes my kids will do even if they were extreme as pregnancy and accepting to swim in public! I was excused and given a very good reason to my liberalism! as weired as it seems it did not feel good.Years and years of building the base and the structure to what i call ME, today someone reveled the secret of my personality (of course am being sarcastic).

I did not ask to be understood or even to be respected god forbid, i only asked to be treated as a unique and free citizen of Lala Land and as a free voice away from my own background i dont want to be treated as (bint alajnabieh) or the daughter of the foreign anymore. I refuse to become an outcast again.


  1. well sweety, i think belonging is overrated; no matter what you believe in there's always gonna be someone who's going to think that it's outlandish and absurd; people tend to be judgmental by nature, and it's only to cover their own insecurities. You are who are, and you act upon it; as long as you believe in something and act accordingly, no one can touch you; let all the dogs bark down the wrong trees and find whatever dumb reason to sooth their aching consciouses. It's true that parents greatly affect your upbringing, but by the end of the day you became who you are based on your personal choices; discrediting you like this is both offending and ignorant. I wouldn't let that bother me if I were you.

  2. What slash said times 2. + people are struggling to stand out nowadays.. i wouldn't wana fit in if i were you. Enjoy the view min 3indek ;)

  3. Everyone has his la la land you know but you have to be happy in your world and don't care what people say..

  4. @ Slash: thanx sweets i bet that what people tend to do , judge! and their discrediting for what i am and what i belie in was a bit offending!
    @ Dee: well the view from is pretty cool, hop in there is room for one more.
    @ Joesbox : thanx, i never cared about what people say it is their ignorance that bother me.

  5. yeah... Identity Crises, I exactly know what you are talking about when you can think you are rich... you have two countries and two nationalities, but in reality you realize that you are not really existing for any of them..

    though to be honest this mixed family problem exist mostly in arab countries, which makes me wonder about the source of the problem...

    if you are and italian married to french... noone would ppoint fingers at you, if you are english married to a spanish... nobody would point fingers on the contrary it is considered rich ... you are poliglote, you lived the both cutlures and you can understand them both and stand up for stereotypes in a rational way... while in Jordan - you are bent el ajnabieh, or , hay ma bifreg 3endha eshi, or... yea you might except gays or sex or free growing kids only because you are Russieh...

    it is a very nice post indeed I ennjoyed reading it, it spoke out for me .. and i have written one about this same question a year ago ;)

  6. joanna you just hit the point! an Italian comes from the same background as the Spanish or the french! but an Arab and a European ! that is a mix with a aura of trouble!! go back to writing please:)

  7. Think of it this way: you have sth unique, and a mixture of both worlds that many do not have...
    it's hard for people to accept multicultural backgrounds when they are wrapped in there on safety blanket of a monolithic culture.

    You are lucky, remember that everytime someone refers to you as Russain or bint il Ajnabiyyeh. And if they give you a hard time, set me loose on them.