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i dont how much longer i can take.. i am sorry .. i dont even know why am i sorry for.. things are just getting so messy and there comes a moment when u suddenly lose hope and you become so blank and so helpless... you forget how to feel and how to be.. its just a state of not being and the state of living on the edge not knowing when are you going to fall and if you will fall at all.. it is a state of standing in the vacuum and not knowing if you are sleeping or its your life becoming the endless dream you forget how to wake up from ...

i am

i am detached from life...

destruction

you destructed my world and were too busy to rebuild it....

mutating into a leaf

sitting on the cloud of 99... or 88 or 76554219.... how cares what that number would be and who cares what would that cloud would be named.. am sitting on that particular cloud... a cloud that io made to myself by your hopes and dreams.. a cloud i designed to myself according to my my own perfection standards. ...

am sitting attached by a string.. a string that once connected to the leaves of the trees and wind patterns on an old deserted pavment in a lonely day.. detached from life.. lonely and despaired...a string that is now holding your name.,.. drags the leaves on the ghost of the small drops of wind's tears...


in an empty black.. surrounded by black those leaves stroll around my bodies existance earging for my soul to come down... she refuses and she cries ... and the at thhe lets go.. she leaves the string and the moves away.. the blackness around me scares me so think of you.. a reflection of my imperfectionate self..... that wired self that we chose unwillingly to call ourselves..
the walls would fall down and the darkness stays.. that only thing that stikes my blinded eyes is the edge that once refused me.. an edge beyond my reach .. and a tear away from my cheeks... the wolrd has no meaning anymore.. ...

the line stopes from merging with the line.. a pont has no existance anymore... and it refuses to define the space.. there i stand a definition of inner power i never had..and existance of bieng i nver asked.. there i stand again on that cloud ..th cloud that i came to know as the cloud of 99 ... well according to some political and economical reasons... there i reach with my hand inside of the opening that i found in my chest . and take a the bigleaf.. there i decide.. there i mutate.. a mutation beyond the elevels of organs.. beyond the horizon of the edge. there i close my eyes and mutate.. i mutate to a leaf.. a leaf for the rhythms of the wind

traped in Amman.

today i realized that Amman is the wierdest city on earth........ a match box of different and strange people ...... you can never leave yet you cant stay...... you are trapped.... that is realy weired... if you won't be able to fit .. well ,am sorry but there is no other choice you must... you got no other choice..

i decided to change my life again

Dated in 2005 and 2006…. Woooo two years has passed.. two years might actually change you… not really but it might change some minor things in you… something that would be undesired and unwanted some things that we hate .. or simply others hate.. looking back at some pictures that are dated in 2005 I realized that have even changed my own skin.. two different people that don’t belong to each other. Two different souls that in the real would have never met…in the picture two people who are hugging me and we seem really happy.. hmm I wonder…. two people that right now I would not call friends… that was so weird …it is so hard to believe that my best friend and my sister will vanish from my life and all that happened in only one year.. it is like being able to build a whole building out of scratch… after removing the older version its is so hard to believe..… and the hardest of all realizing how easy it would be.. more easy that what our limited small imaginations has given us.. a whole package I changed…a totally different person I ought to be.. new life.. new friends and new freaking environment… to be honest am sitting in a place that I never even dreamt of having that is so beyond of my capability of dreaming… strange strength that comes out of me.. a heart that once was beating now had turned into a stone.. like having no feelings at all.. only running and jumping towards my ultimate skyscraper.. building that high thrown for my self on the last floor.. and looking at people.. we were joking about me and him being Mr. and Mrs. gods. If only he knew how real was that. I am really the goddess of my universe and in my universe every one is my servant. My old friends that once were my soul mates that Ii never imagined I will live without.. .. now on the honor of my new thrown and on the name of my new kingdom I decide to celebrate .. celebrate that new and mean and sick psycho me… I celebrate the new implanted stone/heart I bought myself. I went to the flee market and I decided to indulge my self by buying a new skin to suite with the new stone/heart…. To suite the new goddess..

The process of creation

The process of creation starts with a thought , an idea, conception and realization. Everything you see was someone’s idea. nothing really exist in the world that didn’t exist as a pure thought
Thought is the fist level of creation..
Everything you say is a thought expressed..
A thought evolves and becomes a word.. words are more powerful and they have a bigger impact on the exterior world.. they are the second level of creation..
Actions are words put into practice, it is the meaning of the word …. Moving words…
Words are thoughts expressed … thoughts are ideas formed .. idea are the energy that came together.. the energy is a released force.. forces are elements.. existence elements that are particles of god…..

new me

am not afraid anymore and am not going to hide .......